Belatedly, Mother’s Day

The world of infertile bloggers is not always a fun place to be on Mother’s Day, but it is heartwarming to know that this year there are so many of us enjoying being a mum, or a mum-to-be, for the first time. For others, it is just another year getting by without a blessed baby to hold. Some of my good friends have suffered miscarriages or lost children. Another one, an old flatmate, unexpectedly lost her mum in a horrible accident just two months ago, making this her first Mother’s Day without one to celebrate with. Husbandito and I are both spending another year far away from our mums. Nellie is celebrating her first with her much longed-for baby girl Grace, but also remembering that it has been seven years since she lost her own beautiful mum to cancer.

I have not made any grand statements about our infertility on the book of faces until now. When we got pregnant it didn’t interest me to post an ultrasound photo of our little Ponyo, back when she was still Ponyo. It was softly-softly, and while the bump photos did start to creep in towards the end, both Husbandito and I got a lot of nice messages from people who slowly started to put the pieces together rather than having had it shoved it their faces. Now that she’s here, we have turned into those people who proudly post pictures of our girl, but hopefully not with annoying frequency. On Mother’s Day I decided to ‘out’ my fertility problems as part of my expression of gratitude for what I was able to celebrate this year, and hopefully open a few eyes. We got many beautiful messages in response, from parents and non-parents alike. I had half expected some other people to come forward with their own stories of struggles, but nobody did. I hope that’s because there are none, rather than because it felt too hard.

Our first Mother’s Day together

Penny basically got me the best possible Mother’s Day gift – a decent night’s sleep. For the second night in a row (and fifth night straight to date!) she has been sleeping through the night, which in baby terms means a stretch of five hours or more. She has consistently slept from whatever time she finally goes down of an evening – anywhere between 8.30 and 10.30pm depending on how resistent she is – for five or six hours through to around the 3am mark, feeds anywhere from 10 to 30mins, has a nappy change and then goes back to sleep within 45mins or so for another three-ish hours, before waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed somewhere between 6.30 and 7am. This possibly doesn’t sound that restful, but for me it is absolutely blissful. I of course had the obligatory “is this okay? Should I be waking her for an extra feed? Will my supply freak out? Is she getting enough?” etc etc before dismissing it all. It’s not something we’ve tried to initiate; this is a pattern she has fallen into on her own, I know she is doing fine, and we should count our blessings while it lasts.

Besides that, I also got a gorgeous card and the most amazing pair of earrings which I love-love-LOVE – a squirrel on one side and an acorn on the other. I heart squirrels. They are the fricking BEST. And they are studs which I don’t own that many pairs of; perfect for me right now as I usually wear danglies but have stopped now that I find myself throwing the babe over my shoulder and therefore her face into the direct path of such things. Later we went out to Newtown for a walk around the park (which also turned into a feed and a nappy change in the park) followed by a pub lunch at our friend’s brand new bar. We actually know them from birth class (baby arrived on the same day the bar opened, talk about timing) and Luna’s dad was so happy to see us and meet Penny that our meal was on the house. Happy Mother’s Day! I even had a half pint of cider and Husbandito basically had to carry me back to the car after that.

Dad and daughter park cuddle times

Penny – Week 7

This outfit was the first thing mum ever bought for me. Although I like it a lot, it didn’t stop me from pooing on it shortly after this photo was taken.

Week 7 started badly. I’d just had my immunisations and this made me extremely grizzly and upset for a few days. Not to mention my poops. Wowzers.

After a few days of being a grump, I felt so much better and so happy! And I’ve been on loads of adventures, like when we took the train to Newtown and had some feeds that weren’t in my house! It didn’t distract me too much. I also got new nappies put on while I was outside! I felt the breeze on my little butt! Even though I had been to the park before, this week was the first time I got out of the pram and lay on the grass and got to watch all the people and dogs and bicycles go past and it was the BEST THING EVER!!!!

OMG I LOVE THE PAAAARK!

I used to fall asleep every time I got into the pram, but now I manage to stay awake some of the time. I didn’t realise there were so many interesting things to look at when we go on walks, so it is pretty cool.

A List of Things That Have Happened in the Last Month Which All Felt Like The Best Thing That Had Ever Happened to Me (at that point in time)

Somebody said “here’s your baby”, and I had barely enough energy to lift my head for a second and see a red squirming creature, and I knew she was okay, and that Husbandito and the doctors were going to take care of her and I could finally get some motherflipping rest after being in labour for what felt like a million years. And I overheard them asking Husbandito what her name was, and he said ‘Penny’ out loud for the first time, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

They wheeled a tiny person into my hospital room and I held onto her and we both went to sleep. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I finally got to have a shower after lying in bed in my own filth for three days, and then that afternoon somebody came and took my catheter out, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

On the sixth day and after jumping through thousands of proverbial hoops, we put our baby girl in the car seat and carried her out through the doors of the hospital. We put her in the car and drove her home. I hadn’t been outside for a week and somehow the world looked very different. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Husbandito brought me peanut butter on toast the morning after our first night at home. I hadn’t had much sleep and I was so grateful I almost cried, and that was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me.

Husbandito and I held hands as we walked and pushed our baby girl in a stroller through the streets of Summer Hill and got take away Indian food. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I got cold in the night. Husbandito spooned me and I wasn’t a blimp and it felt lovely and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Any time I was able to luxuriate in a shower over the next four weeks was the best thing that ever happened to me. Except for the one time that I had a bath. Then that was the best thing.

Penny was drunk on boob juice and laying back in my hands with her arms flopped in what looked like a good position to play air guitar. So obligingly, we made her play air guitar. It was really funny. And then she spewed so hard that it came out her nose. We deserved that. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Penny sneezed four times in a row making the most adorable string of ‘achoos’. After the last one she gave an exasperated little sigh of relief. We laughed. I’m pretty sure it was the best thing that ever happened.

I bounced on the ball for forty-five minutes straight at some insane hour of the morning and I thought my back and shoulders were going to explode. Then the babe fell asleep and stayed asleep when I put her in the bassinet and I got to lie down. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

After a long and tiring morning of crying and fretting (her, not me), the sun came through the lounge room window in the afternoon and the babe and I lay in the lovely warm shaft of light and fell asleep together. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Every time Penny rouses she makes a series of elaborate noises and sometimes we unwrap her and then just watch as she grunts and stretches and wakes up. It is always the best thing that ever happened.

Husbandito was changing the babe’s nappy when she did an almighty shart and he was so startled that he leapt backwards. That was the best thing that ever happened.

I put Penny in the baby bjorn for the first time and she didn’t even complain. Then we went all the way to the supermarket and back and she fell asleep. It was the best thing that ever happened. That was about two hours ago.

I’m sure there were many more things but I am starting to get very sleepy myself so my brain isn’t firing on all neurons. The gist of the story is, even when I’m so tired that I want to cry, or frustrated, or sore, everything is pretty great, really.

Penny – Week 2

rocking week 2 with no top on – raunchy

I am two weeks old now. It’s pretty sweet.

I went from doing long feeds to taking shorter feeds and having longer sleeps. This freaked my Mum out a little bit, but she should eat a chill cake. I met the community nurse and she said I had grown a centimetre and weighed 3.4kg which is about 300grams more than my birth weight. I went to the doctor a few days later and while I hadn’t put on any more weight, I had grown another whole centimetre which makes me 51cm tall now. My godfather Barthur says that if I keep going at this rate I’ll be 42 metres tall by the time I am 80. I think he is silly but he has a nice scratchy beard so I will let him off this one time.

I’ve had lots of visitors come to meet me at home which is nice (Mum especially likes it when they bring treats). I make a wonderful array of silly noises and faces which keep everyone quite amused. Despite being officially autumn, it is millions of degrees and we don’t have air conditioning in our house, so sometimes I get hot and grumpy and that is why I haven’t been wearing much in the way of clothes this week.

I’m settled into my new home and lots of new things. Generally I hated everything the first time, but second or third time around I realise that things aren’t so bad. Like the stroller, for example – it’s a pretty neat thing and I quite like going for short walks now. I didn’t like my bouncer/rocker much either at first but now I sleep in it all the time. I have been outside in a baby sling too but Mum thinks maybe I’m still a bit too small for it. I had two more baths which I didn’t like at all, but this week I had my first lovely quiet happy bath.

so fresh and so clean!

I love having tummy time with Daddy and my neck muscles are getting nice and strong already! My favourite thing of all though is the gym ball. It is the last resort thing that stops me crying when nothing else will. I also like Daddy’s nappies the best because he gives me a nice rub down with a towel and applies powder to my butt by tapping the bottle in the same way he would put salt on his dinner. I very much enjoy making a second (or even third) mess when I’m halfway through having my nappy changed which keeps the parentals on their toes and also keeps Huggies in business.

bounce time with dad